I Cut The Virtual Connection.

I deleted his social media profile. Clap it up for me. I think, in a small way, I gave myself a mini round of applause. Over the past few years, I haven’t given much attention to the actual profile itself. It lived in the world of social media spotlights and connections. You know, not the real ones. Only the ones that provide surface-level life updates, marriages, babies, break-up, vacations. It lived. He lived. He resided in a place of posts and updates and for over a year. maybe two — ok, three. I let him sit there. I muted the notifications, knowing that I always had access and he always had access. Yet, we never spoke. We allowed silence to fill the years and images of life’s successes- or lack thereof to create stories in our minds of how life had turned out for the two of us.

My imagination is quite lavish, think about it, I write stories. Of course, the timeline of life’s events was embellished with women, money, princely glory, and even children. His profile breathed life into my imagination, so much so, that two times a year, when I “checked” to see how he was doing, the posted and/or tagged images always seemed to have matched what I imaged. Or so I thought.

It took me an entire year of sitting in silence to marry what my eyes were seeing with the narrative that I was providing. Over time the pictures were changing. His cocoa skin lost its glow, he shaved his hair, he now has earrings, an increase of facial hair. He looks…different. Nothing like I had known or imagined; he was the opposite. It took a year of me thinking, a year of sorting through complex emotions, a year to recognize that I am a great storyteller. I can even lay down the track to a story that isn’t mine and believe it. His external appearance was a mere indication and I was holding onto a memory.

So, last night I deleted it. I was sitting on my bed, trying to find a HULU episode to watch while simultaneously sorting through my kindle books. I thought to myself, ‘I should delete that profile’ and I did. Just like that, a silent round of applause. My feelings had shifted, in my own time. There was no update, no status change, no ping of awareness because sometimes growth, true growth is silent.